You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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