Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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