Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
