Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
