I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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