PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
