please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
