i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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