she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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