Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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