Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
