Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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