I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
