the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
