Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
