how can u be prego again
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
