turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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