I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
