Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
