Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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