Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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