I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
