There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
