I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
