My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
