No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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