I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
