you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
