I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
