A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize