mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My underwear smells like fireworks.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Who died my cat blue again?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize