the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
