Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
