oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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