When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
