i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
