well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
