You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my poor anus
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
