And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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