Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
