o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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