She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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