Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
