Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
