I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
