My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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