I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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