Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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