just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
