I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
