i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
