Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
