Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
