We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
