Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
