i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She bit a glass in half.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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