I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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