no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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