Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
