Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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