Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
