Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
