I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
