he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
