Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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