Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
