k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
