2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
