i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Randomize
