i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
