he shaved USA in his pubs
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
