You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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