She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
