guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize