Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
