just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
